This is the worst thing I will ever post
by Zephyrus is my user name
Summary: I wrote this for fun because Twilight is terrible, only genderbent character is Bella (who is not named Beau, because that guy was just as terrible)


"I never gave much thought to how I would die, but dying for someone I loved doesn't seem like a bad way to go…there's no light at the end of the tunnel, the pain I felt from the cuts melted away as my body grows more numb, but the worst thing about this...is that I'm still terrified, because no one is going to know I died."

* * *

Earbuds in my ears I imagined every rock formation, every cactus, every single cloud that would have passed me by in Arizona. I wasn't a fan of the humidity, the freezing nights, or the constant blazing sun that burned me if I took a step out of the house; but it had it's moments. I liked the warmth that came from a sunlight shining through a woolen blanket, the joy that came from watching the flower of the cactus nearby my house bloom a bright pink, and the comfort of knowing that I could be alone with my thoughts.

Now the only things that were passing by were houses, old stores, and a small populace of people that waved and smiled a greeting at Charlie who nodded at the passerby's. I gripped my only physical memento of Arizona in my hand- a small barrel cactus, currently unnamed - and continued to gaze at my new reality.

" Your hair's gotten shaggier."

I pulled out the ear bud closest to Charlie, he half smiled at me but was still looking at the road ahead.

" You should have seen it when Mom cut it, trust me, it looks better like this."

He nodded, "How is she by the way?"

"Good."

The conversation was awkwardly short, but I had the feeling that this was just as strange for me as it was for him; after all, it had been years since I saw Charlie last. He was a good man, but because of my mom I grew up away from him, now and again we would chat on the phone and I would send the occasional letter, but nothing really beyond the weekly anecdote or formality implied our familial relationship.

Eventually, we pulled up to a familiar lived-in house that was two stories tall. It's condition wasn't the best; there were clearly paint chips falling off, and the wooden exterior had a few crevices from years of standing.

I shouldered my backpack, opening the door and was greeted by the scent of rain against concrete. It wasn't an unpleasant change from Phoenix. The open forests that spanned for miles, skies that would cause me heat stroke, not to mention that every day would be jacket weather; I daresay, perhaps I could walk around without bursting into flames.

Charlie already took my suitcases from the back, clearly he didn't expect them to be so heavy.

"Need some help?" I walked over to him placing my cactus on the trunk of the car.

"Nah," he grunted, " I figure I'm in better shape than you are. I heard from your mother how much you loathe stepping outside."

A chill went down my spine. "Did...did she tell you anything else?"

Charlie placed the bags down on the drive way for a moment. " A couple of things, nothing you need to be worried about though." He crossed his arms for a moment like he wanted to ask me something, but just picked up the bags again.

"Um, those have wheels."

" Sure, but that would be the easy way."

"It would be the easiest way to not hurt your back." I smiled slightly, at our banter. Taking the handle of the smaller suitcase and rolling it up to the stairs in contrast to Charlie just lugging it up in one trip.

The inside of the house was more homely; old, but it gave off a comforting feeling. I was surrounded by the never changing furniture, family pictures, as well as a few of Charlie's friends- a few whom I recognized. I zeroed on a photo of mom and Charlie in their youth, they were smiling together in front of the house, but what caught my attention was the popsicle stick, terrible painted frame badly kept together with glitter glue; a clear portrayal of my craftsmanship skill.

"Your room's upstairs."

I followed Charlie up with my bags in hand, towards a room that was filled with pictures and grandpa's old desk. It was kind of empty, having only basic furniture with a few lamps and old photos. I think I used to sleep in this room when I was younger, so I noticed the new coat of light blue paint the covered the wall, in contrast to the old grey. The room was bright, having more windows than my old room did, and it was nice

"I uh, had the saleswoman choose the bed stuff." He gestured towards the bed with a rather ugly shade of green comforter; hopefully it was warm to sleep under.

"It's great, I really like it."

A smile tugged at Charlie's lips, he pointed outside the door to the room next to mine."The bathroom's just outside, I cleared a few shelves so...do what ya need to n'stuff."

"I don't really have a lot of stuff, so no worries, I'm not going to change much."

He nodded, " You can come downstairs when you're done unpacking, we can catch up a bit."

Charlie left me alone, out of good grace possibly, this would be a new experience for the two of us, better to deal with all the awkwardness now I suppose. I put my suitcase on the bed and unpacked a few clothes as well as each book I had safely wrapped in my shirts and hoodies. I had to part with a few before I left, but the ones I brought were my treasures. When I dug deeper inwards I found a Polaroid of my mom and me about a month before the move. She probably put this in while I wasn't looking. It was nostalgic looking at the two of us making weird poses as she held up the camera. I was just there just yesterday and now I'm in a new world for who knows how long. Let's hope that whatever drove her to leave this small town doesn't turn on me as well.

Suddenly, a honk from the window caught me off guard, I put the photo back in the suitcase and moved towards the window. Outside was a truck and Charlie walking outside to greet our guests. My heart quickened with excitement and a smile tugged at my face as I hurried down stairs.

Standing next to Charlie were two native american men, the elder sat in a wheelchair with a blanket cover his legs, Billy Black. His son was a about an inch shorter than me, having long hair and wearing old clothes. He was clearly a kid having a roundish face, but luckily he didn't change as much in comparison to the photo's he sent me.

* * *

"Jacob!

He smiled the moment he saw me, we shared a hug and I messed up his hair. " You got shorter!"

"Not for long." He punched my arm, hard. "I've been getting my growth spurts."

" Bel, you remember Jacob, I hope you remember his dad Billy." Charlie gestured towards Billy who held out his hand.

"Of course, it's nice to see you again sir." I shook his hand, he smiled cheerfully, filling me with nostalgia that warmed my chest. The last time I recalled, Billy was able to walk just fine, then again it was years ago. I made a note to possibly ask about it later...possibly.

" I'm glad you're finally here kid, especially because Charlie hasn't shut up since you called about living here."

I shoved my hands in my hoodie pockets slightly embarrassed at the mere mention of my decision.

"Keep exaggerating and I'll roll you down the hill." Charlie threatened, but his voice was playful.

"Right after I ram your ankles!" Billy turned his wheelchair around and engaged in an attack against Charlie who kept evading his attacks.

I chuckled to myself, " Are they always like this?"

Jacob nodded his head, "It keeps getting worse with age."

"So, what do you think of your new Homecoming gift?" Charlie patted the trunk of the truck. " I bought it off of Billy here."

" Ya, I rebuilt the engine so it won't break down...probably."

"This is mine?" I looked over my new ride, I was never one for cars, but I couldn't deny that this was really cool. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"Well then, consider this the honorary birthday." Charlie smiled.

" C'mon I'll show you how it works." Jacob tapped my shoulder and went around the other side of the truck letting me sit in the driver's seat. He handed my the keys once we were both inside. "Ok, so it's an older model so you need to push it in while clutching-"

"Like this?"

"Yup."

The Truck growled awake, my heart skipped a beat in excitement as Jacob and I smiled at each other.

"It's so amazing to see you again." I admitted.

" It's nice to see you too, it's easier to talk like this rather than using a pencil. You're not going to still make me send letters, are you?"

"Oh, come on, everyone likes getting letters, they are a form of communication that is overlooked by today's modern generation."

"I was mistaken before, you're the one getting worse with age."

"Hey, I happen to like putting time and thought into what I give to other people thanks very much, shows how much I care."

" Oh, my bad then, mama's boy."

I punched his arm, clearly not making a dent. " My mother is wonderful, thanks. So hey, now that I have wheels, maybe I can give you ride to school."

"Ah, I go to school on the reservation." He sounded a little disheartened.

"Oh," A familiar feeling of dread crept in my stomach. "It would have been nice to know at least one person."

There was a brief moment of silence between us, mourning my death of my loser ass. I've been to school long enough to know pale faced bookworms get shoved into lockers on a daily basis.

" But hey, you can always visit me when you if you need morale support." Jacob rested his hand on my shoulder reassuringly.

I appreciated, after all, sad as it sounded he was pretty much my only steady friend for entirely of my life. Even though we were going to be closer than ever, it still made me feel sad that I still wouldn't be able to see him as often as I could have.

" I may have to take you up on that offer, Jayjay." I smirked at his reaction to his childhood nickname, which easily evolved into full on laughter as he gave me a "I am so done with your shit" expressions.

" We're not friends anymore."

" love you too."

* * *

The night before was spent in anxiety so I curled up in my bed reading The Scarlet Letter- which on my part probably wasn't a good idea- silently hoping that no one would notice the new meat on campus.

As usual, I was wrong.

I parked my truck in the furthest parking spot I could find, but in a town with a population over over 3,000, everyone seemed to lock-onto the only guy wearing a hoodie blasting music through his earbuds.

The halls were full of students whom I could feel eyeing me up like I was some kind of display. I had my schedule in my hand, but I had no idea where I was going, helpless in a sea of judgmental peers.

"Hey!"

In the corner of my eye I saw a cute Asian boy walk up to me with a smile on his face and jump in his step.

" Hey, you're the new guy right, Beldane Swan?" He radiated charisma, my arch enemy.

"It's Bel." I took out my earbuds letting them hang on my shoulder and clutched my ipod. Please let this conversation end soon.

"Right, can see why you'd shorten it, no offence." His tone was playful, so maybe he wasn't internally making fun of me.

"None taken."

" I'm Eric by the way, the eyes and ears of this place. Anything you need. Tour guide, lunch date, shoulder to cry on. So, need any help finding your classes?"

Is he for real?

" Would you mind just pointing me toward Mr. Varner's class?" I handed him my schedule.

"No problem, he's pretty cool by the way." He looked over all my classes while guiding me down the hall. " If need any extra help with studying I know a few other students who can be of assistance. Considering that you just popped in mid-semester."

"Thanks."

" Looks like you've got gym first," He slightly cringed at the word "gym", "Tough break man."

You don't know the half of it.

* * *

I am not a good athlete, keep away. I should have a hoodie with that printed on. Gym clothes are already a terrible punishment -showing off my "shapely" mosquito legs-,but to make someone with my awful coordination participate in games that involve teamwork; it's a punishment for everyone, really. I was forced on a team with a few jocks and the difference in our skill was crystal clear. I was just running up and down the court trying to make myself look like I was playing. Luckily, I think everyone else just cut me a break by not passing me the ball.

"Look out!"

Continuing my bad luck, I felt something hard hit the back of my head and bounced away.

Oh dear God pain.

I could hear a few guys laughing behind me. A blonde with walked over to me holding the volleyball. " You know when I said get your head in the game, I didn't mean like this."

" Guess I'm hard at hearing."

"I'm Mike Newton. It's Beldane right?" He slightly snickered at my name.

"It's just Bel." I muttered.

"Right."

" ohhh my god, I am so sorry!"

A pretty girl with brown hair walked over to me.

"It's ok, no harm done." I said rubbing the back of my head, where the pain was still throbbing.

"Hey, you're that new transfer student, Beldane, right?" She asked with a bubbly voice.

Why does everyone here know my name?

" Ya."

"I'm Jessica." She took the ball back from the blonde. "You're from Arizona right? Aren't people supposed to be really tan down there?"

" I guess I didn't get that memo." I said gesturing to all of me.

She giggled at my comment before taking the ball away from Mike, lingering a smile at him.

"Well, I'll see you guys later." She jogged back to her side of the court, looking over her shoulder once.

Mike leaned down slightly, jabbing my in the ribs half smiling, "I think she likes you."

I looked at him with a deadpanned face, and comfortingly, placed my hand on his shoulder. "She can do a lot better."

" You seem like a pretty good guy thought."

"Funny, I think she was thinking the exact same thing about you."

He looked confused with my word play but chose to ignore it instead dragging me back into the game.

* * *

With lunch time came a horde of new problems.

If watching Animal Planet and Mean Girls has taught me anything, it's that humans are social animals that form herds to preserve a sense of safety and travel the same way to avoid danger. Making it easier to hunt and destroy any type of threat to their social status, or generally picking off the stragglers that are still blinded in the dust. You can tell which ones are the first to go because they're walking through the rows of people like an idiot looking for a spare seat with a packed lunch in hand. If I were actual prey I would be dead in a second.

"Bel, get over here!"

I heard the familiar voice and turned to see Eric calling me over. Finding him wasn't that difficult as he was standing on a table waving his hands madly, where Mike and Jessica were also sitting.

The fact that he was yelling my name out to the entire student body and waving in my direction made me cringe to the highest degree, maybe I would get suddenly lucky and someone would shoot me out of my misery. I waited for a few seconds.

Alas, no such luck.

So now I had a choice: Eat alone and be isolated by my peers, while also insulting the few people who I've actually made meager attempts to communicate with; or, follow with the social norm and form a false sense of security with strangers and make better attempts to socialise with my peers.

…When in Rome, as they say.

I walked over to them with that same feeling of dread perched on my shoulder.

" You all know my boy over here." Eric jumped off the table, sitting down next to me. "I hope this school is treating you well."

"If you call be assaulted by volleyballs being treated well." Mike chuckled to himself.

"It was an accident." Jessica rolled her eyes at him, but before I could respond a flash of light blinded me.

A cute girl with two pony tails was holding a camera, she had a pair of glasses that framed her face nicely. "Sorry, I need a candid for the feature."

"Feature?" I looked at Eric for an explanation.

He extended his hands out as if he was framing headline. " New guy attacked by aggro student, seems like a catching headliner, front page material?" He gently elbowed my rib cage.

"It was an accident! How many times do I have to say it?!"

" I'd delay the news of everyone finding out that I'm a high key nerd thanks very much,sorry."

" No feature then, it's all cool. This is Angela by the way." Eric reassured.

" This town can't be so dull that I'm the most newsworthy item on campus right?" I asked.

"Heh, you'd be wrong about that." Angela sat down across from me placing her camera on the table. "If not you, our paper's just a gossip column about the student body."

"That's...I'm not gonna lie, really sad."

Angela melted into the table, groaning about her troubles, I patted her hand kind of feeling sorry for her.

But all eyes were suddenly on the nearest exit as the double doors swung open and -I'm not exaggerating- the most beautiful people I've ever seen, walked through them.

"Speaking of gossip." Jessica leaned over to me, "here comes the talk of the town."

"Who the heck are they?"

"The Cullens." Angela spoke up, lifting her head. "They're the foster kids of the town's best doctor and his wife. They moved down here from Alaska two years ago, but they pretty much keep to themselves."

"Because they're all together. Like, together together. The blonde girl, Rosalie, and the big dark-haired guy, Emmett, they're a thing." Jessica looked a little too excited talking about them, she pointed towards the blonde woman who was drop dead gorgeous, and the bear of a man who was no less eye catching. " I'm not even sure that's legal."

"They're not even related, Jess." Angela commented.

But Jess rolled her eyes at her, " But they live together, and as far as we know, they were raised as siblings. You haveta admit, that's weird." She looked at me for confirmation on this, but I just shrugged my shoulders. What do I care about a stranger's love life?

" And the little dark haired girl, Alice, she's...really weird." There was a girl who was smiling with short pixie hair and a cute short dark dress that suited her. "she's with Jasper, the blonde who looks like he's in pain." She wasn't wrong about that, the guy was bug eyed, keeping his head down like he was on something, keeping close to Alice. But who knows, he could be a normal guy if there weren't so many people looking at him." I mean, Dr. Cullen's like this foster dad slash match maker."

"Maybe he'll adopt me." It sounded like Angela was joking, but it didn't look like it.

"That's totally not an odd thing to say." I said under my breath.

There was a straggler behind them, he like the rest had paler than mine- and that's saying a lot-, but unlike me, he radiated everything else that I severely lacked. Chiseled features, proper posture that screamed confidence, and while my hair was also untidy, his would be called "tousled",it looked natural against his other features. Basically, the guy was an embodiment of perfection and beauty, and yes, he was goddamn beautiful (Yes,I said it, it's not weird, we're all thinking the same thing)

"Who's he?"

"That's Edward Cullen."

Edward looked over in our direction as if he somehow heard his name being called. He zeroed in on me, and I immediately looked away and turned my gaze towards Jessica- who looked a little pissed at him.

"He's totally gorgeous, obviously, but apparently, no one here is good enough for him. Like I care."

I unintentionally slightly smiled at her comment.

"What?"

"Nothing." I smirk to myself as she pouts.

 _Don't be a nerd Bel, Don't be a nerd.*_

I peeked over my shoulder at Keeping up with the Cullen's crew, they were laughing and seemed to be cracking jokes to each other. The Edward guy was looking directly at me. No idea why this was happening but I don't think I liked it. Turning away I dove into my lunch of a sandwich and carrots, and tried to shake off the feeling of a pair of eyes stab my back.

* * *

I walked with Mike to my next class, Biology, the most nauseous class I have ever taken in my life, and I can't believe that I have to retake it, again, at a new classroom filled with the familiar black tables, random scattered jars of preserved animals, skulls and bones, they should just call rooms like these informal graveyards. There's buzzing sound nearby as I move around the fan that's apparently in here?

Who keeps a fan on in fall?

Mike moved to the back of the room as I handed the teacher - Mr. Molina- my class slip.

" Welcome, Mr. Swan. Follow along as best you can till you get caught up."

Somehow it always feels surreal when someone calls me , it don't care for it very much. He smiled, and guided me towards my seat, next to a familiar embodiment of beauty of whom, glared at me with the passion of a thousand burning suns.

"You'll be seated next to for the remainder of the semester."

The teacher walked away before I could say, please don't leave me here with the guy who looks like he wants to kill me. I forced myself to bend my knees and sit down, placing my backpack next to my feet, trying not to sit awkwardly.

"Today we'll be observing the behavior of planaria, a.k.a flatworms." There were two petri dishes on our table placed between us. "We're going to cut them in half,then watch them regenerate into two separate worms…"

's instruction's faded out when I realized that I was going to have to interact with a total stranger...who probably hates me...for some reason.

 _Ok, just say hi, you can do this._

I turned my head towards him, and we shared a glance for a few moments.

"H-Hie."

My voice immediately cracks and I attempt not to run out of the room as Edward shuffled his seat away from me. Oh God I wish there was a cliff I could fall off of right now. I placed my head on the table, putting on my hood and waited to die.

* * *

Unfortunately a meteor didn't decide to destroy the world so not doing the work wasn't an option. We ended up finishing the assignment by all while avoiding any unnecessary contact. I clearly did something wrong as he raced out of the room the moment the bell dismissed the class.

Even after he left, I didn't have the will to go through with the journey of walking anywhere. But, I had to turn in my attendance slip to the front office...where was standing.

" There must be something open sixth period. Physics? Biochem?"

I already wanted to die at least 30 times today, what's one more?

"No, every class is full. I'm afraid you'll have to stay in biology. I'm so sorry." The attendance woman spotted me slinking by the door. "Just give me a second honey I'll get to you in a minute."

Edward doesn't spare me a glance as he rushes past me muttering "Fine." Like a child throwing a tantrum.

That doesn't make me feel terrible, nope.

"What was it you needed help with dear?" The attendant smiles at me.

"Um…"

My eyes shift away from making eye contact, and the cycle of burdening embarrassment continues.

* * *

Luckily I just had to turn in one paper and I got to leave. After my heart rate reaches human normality I place my hood over my head and look out into the parking lot. Somehow my gaze goes to the Cullen kids laughing like mean girls all nearby this gorgeous looking car that JayJay would probably know that name to. He spots me from where he's having a conversation with the smiling pixie haired girl and I freeze like a deer in the headlights.

The moment is scarily similar to when I went hunting with my dad for the first time and a 10 year old me came across a mountain lion. In one second I could've been killed if it had decided I was worth the time to rip apart, but it walked away. Now, I could do the same, I put on my ear buds playing some piano ballad, covered my face with my hood sped walked to my truck parked nearby.

The second I was in and locked the doors I rested my head on the wheel muttering to myself.

"Idiot."

* * *

Charlie texts me to meet him at a dinner we used to go to when I visited more. I only get lost for about 15 minuets before I ask for directions. When I walk in I see him sitting in the corner near a window. He half smiles as I sit down folding the newspaper that he was reading.

"Hey Bel."

"Hey."

The waitress comes by giving me a big smile, her name tag reads Cora on it. "Lookit you all grown up, last time I saw you two together you were only a little shorter." She chuckles at her own joke, placing a burger with fries in front of me.

"Your father ordered for you, but I could always get you something else if you want it."

I shake my head, "Um, this is fine, thanks."

An older man comes over with a smile, his clothes are faded and his voice is kind of husky. "Hey Bel, remember me? I played Santa that one year for Christmas."

Oh crap. I have no idea who this guy is.

"Waylon, he hasn't had a Christmas here since he was four."

Wait a sec.

"Bet I made an impression, though." Waylon chuckles to himself.

"You always do." Charlie comments.

Cora shoos him away and turns back towards me with a smile. "I'll bring you two a berry tart for desert, your father comes here for it every Thursday." She winks at Charlie moving to talk to another small table.

"Wasn't that the guy who was the drunk Santa?" I turn my head towards Charlie.

Charlie nods. "And made you cry, yes."

We reach for the condiments at the same time and both pull back. He gestures towards the bottle of Ketchup allows me to grab it, but I take the Tabasco instead.

"Since when do you like spicy food?" He asks.

"Since I discovered how much better food tastes with a little kick." I half smile to myself as I remove the veggies from the burger opting to eat them separate.

"So," He starts cutting into his fish fillet. "How was school today?"

I groan at him slumping down in my seat as I munch on one of the tomatoes. "Is home school out of the question at this point?"

"Sorry kiddo."

I tell him about how my plan to keep a low profile as been thrown out the window, along with the fact that the guy I have to sit next to for the rest of the semester hates me.

"Some guy named Edward Cullen." I respond when he asks me who this guy is.

"Cullen huh?

"You know 'em?"

He nods. "Dr. Cullen is the best surgeon for miles, saved his fair share of lives. The kids are alright, better then a lot of the hell-raisers around here. If one of 'em if bothering you though-"

"It's nothing like that dad." I take a bite of the burger, wiping away some hot sauce that drips out.

"Well, I guess you finally have a name for the cactus of yours."

"hrm?"

"Considering this Edward sounds like a real...prick."

"...oh my god."

A bright smile immediately draws on his face as he sees how hard I'm trying not to laugh.

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **Dad Jokes, Dad Jokes everywhere. That is the only reason I'm posting this.**


End file.
